People always tell you that being a mother is great, and it is. They also tell you that it’s difficult but they never really tell you just how difficult or even why. They leave you in suspense as if it was a joke. ‘She’ll learn the hard way. She doesn’t know what she’s let herself in for.’ They’ll mutter under their breath. Well I suppose the joke’s on them really.
Despite the trials and tribulations of being a first time mum, despite the bad days where your last semi clean piece of clothing has been thrown up/dribbled/pooed/wee’d on (and the reason you don’t have anything remotely clean to replace it, is because your washing machine and washing line are forever filled up with your babies clothes), despite never having anything that fits you anymore because your belly is flabbier than before but still just as big… Despite all of that, the good days far out-weigh the bad. Waking up to see your little one smiling at you, because they are genuinely happy to see you, being able to see the cogs whirring as they make a connection between an object and their hands, seeing their first smile or hearing their first coo or laugh, all of these things truly make all the blood, sweat and tears we put into motherhood, nay parenthood because Daddy goes through it all with us, all worth it in the end.
I like to spend time reflecting on becoming a mother. I use my bullet journal to do this mostly as it feels more natural to let it flow from mind, to hand, through pen and onto paper. I think that this enables your reflective juices to really flow. With so much of our lives being hooked up and plugged into the digital world it can be quite a calming exercise. So you won’t be surprised that most of my posts will be penned as a first draft before I begin typing a second. It’s a mindful process.
I am becoming a firm believer in the art of mindfulness. Being truly in the moment or taking time to think back on a moment, dissecting it all and allowing for a clearer mind is something I try to practice as often as I can. Not so easy with a four month old baby who is constantly cooing like a cutie pie or screaming the house down for her next meal! Babies are the purest form of mindfulness really, if you think about it. They can only live in the now. ‘I want food now, I want sleep now, change my bum now, entertain me now!’
So this is why I’ve begun this process, blogging, diary writing, online journaling; to reflect, to dissect, to express, to share with the world. We now know we are no longer alone in this world, the internet has bought about a global community, so I shall share my journey in the hope to inspire or at least help people realise they are not alone in their thoughts.
Thanks for reading